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Ugly Soul

by Dan FitzGerald

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1.
Like You 02:56
Well lemme think, what’ve I been up to I been trying really hard to be just like you The way we’re so alike, it’s not so untrue and with the way I feel about you, what else could I do By the time we started talking every now and then the time to get closer was so near its end Feeling a little less skeletal than back then Can you believe that you and I were barely even friends I know as long as I have known you I have been sheepish T-minus two hours til I’m ashamed of this When I got to see you I was so blasted with bliss Why couldn’t you have just up and give me a kiss
2.
Colorful 02:20
It’s been a long cold winter and I’ve been feeling pretty dark But at least I didn’t have to deal with cheesy couples in the park Springtime’s rolling in, we’ve all been told what’s in the air Yeah the grass is getting greener, I’ve been getting greener, too All of the sudden I desperately need to take your hand But there’s a problem, you don’t even know who I am The sun has just set and the sky has fallen deep blue and I have fallen deep blue, too I got my lonely eye on you yeah, I see you every day I wanna get to know you but I got nothing to say My fate has done thrown me a heavy yellow lemon That is, I’m “yellow”
3.
They are a terrible, sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band It’s very hard to call them old or trite They are to broken to be bland And for this they keep him awake at night He knows it’s quite far out of hand He loves a terrible, sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band You know he loves their demented sound, like foul odor He doesn’t mind the way they seem to play the same song over and over and over They are a terrible, sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band Not a charmingly sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band They’re a terrible, sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band Forgive me, I cannot be polite They are a terrible, sloppy band It’s as if it was only out of spite Though it sure doesn’t sound so planned They’re a terrible, sloppy band, alright They are a terrible, sloppy band You know he loves their awful tunes, though they’re next to murder When they cross his ears I see them take him further and further and further and further…
4.
Letdown 03:55
I used to know these boys from Gainesville yeah, they really had me on the line I met those boys in a club, and then a ballroom then I saw no more of them for quite some time Months later I heard they had something new to show me I hoped I would be pleased but I had my doubts Their latest contribution was very painful My faith in them was broken, out and out Sometimes I think of days before the heartbreak when they had it right, and I couldn’t be more amused with their potent air of true camaraderie but circumstances have left them confused And saying that I know I cannot blame them though the loss of it is hard for me to bear but I myself have moved a new direction In that respect, there’s something we still share, oh no
5.
The day had been long but the night had begun and I thought I deserved to have a little fun and that fun hit me hard, and I tried to decide if my broken soul was dead or still alive And it was plain for me to see just why oh why this was happening to me I still want you So please please please don’t fan this flame cause there’s fire for warmth but this fire’s just pain and you know that it hurts so much more to be alone when it seems good could happen but you know it still won’t Yeah I know, I know this is true but I can’t seem to keep my mind off of you I still want you
6.
Don’t know why I thought I’d try to confront you thought it was the only way I could get through my mind was such a mess so I had to but I knew I wasn’t gonna convince you Now you got your eye on some fresh new cool dude and we know that he’s got his eye on you, too and I knew he would be able to free you ??? (unintelligible) When he told me outright I already knew and I told him yeah yeah I know, me too and I told him I was giving up on you he asked why but I knew that I had to Guess I know I never would’ve been right for you though I probably didn’t want or need to but I know I never met another one like you guess I know I probably didn’t deserve you
7.
Elemental 01:17
Well I’ve been down so low that I have sunk into the earth and you and I and everything’s been covered up in dirt and this dirt you pile upon me has done covered up my eyes but now it all gets muddied by the water from the sky The rain’s been falling down and I’ve been cloudy now for days My vision’s been well shrouded by this non-stop rainy haze I’m soaked and I am soggy and I’ve got only you to blame but now it’s all been fizzled away by my new mad raging flame My mind oh it’s been burning with a furious raging flame and all of this world’s colors have begun to look the same cause my vision’s color spectrum has lost most of its cooler range but I guess it’s all blown over with the good old winds of change
8.
Billy 02:08
(N/A)
9.
There was a little girl just like you and me, but she wasn’t sick or demented, she just wanted to see, yeah she had to see first-hand just what it’s like she had to feel what it’s like to snuff out a life She and some dude were hanging out on the tracks They heard a train coming back behind their backs It was just them two, no one else around They were walking on the bridge, too high to jump down She didn’t hate him, didn’t mind him, just one of the guys He knew too well she was easy on the eyes The sun was high, the sky was blue and she knew just what she wanted to do She felt the train nearing through her feet on the ground She reached out to him and her heart did pound He was surprised when he felt her hands on his back and he never felt nothing more after that She ran back home feeling high as a kite Everybody knew about the accident by the end of the night
10.
I found myself outside my bed I slept but I was not at rest I thought that I might wind up dead but I dreamt, just like I should have guessed Things seemed to be just as they should The ground below, the sky above A fear caught me, like fire to wood and this world fit me just like a glove I think I thought I prob’ly ought to think about finding a clock I could not reach the room I sought Threw a rock through a window through a window through a rock The clock, its glyphs were sparse and weird There was no time for me to see The house fell in just like I’d feared I can’t stop thinking of entropy, oh
11.
Me oh my, how I wanna try But my oh me, only on the Ts Yeah only every two days then five days then two days then five days then two days then five days after that Think about it every week for an hour fifteen then I beat me up for bailing out every waking minute between Gotta do it in two days then five days then two days then five days then two days then five days after that Me oh my, how I wanna try But my oh me, only on the Ts Yeah only every two days then five days then two days then five days then two days then five days after that, oh I need ya
12.
Slow Going 01:51
The going is slow cause the weather is shitty and all of you people are so goddamn pretty the ??? especially when you can see the apocalypse with such great clarity My eyeballs are freezing, you’re under the table I’ll get myself over as soon as I am able The more I keep talking, the more I keep thinking It feels like I’m living in some twisted fable My tolerance for you is much less than astounding You’re classically conditioned to vomit around me You’d think that by now we’d all’ve known better but it’s worth all the trouble at least for the comedy
13.
Mr. S 02:09
God dammit Mr. S You know I did my best I tried and tried to get you off my case God dammit Mr. S You know I did my best This kind of mess is such an awful waste Why you gotta go and give me such a hard time? Is it just 'cause I used to have a little trouble being on time all the time? Or is it 'cause you feel my will is not real? Or because you're fighting to find out my deal? I can tell you're not close to gettin' my deal God dammit Mr. S You know I did my best I tried and tried to get you off my case God dammit Mr. S You know I did my best This kind of mess is such an awful waste Why you gotta go and give me such a hard time? Is it just 'cause I used to have a little trouble being on time all the time? I tried so hard to get it right But you just seemed like you wanted a fight In this kinda place, that's so far from right God dammit Mr. S
14.
Leech 01:10
Aw, leech! This ain’t your homework It should just be a knee jerk Wipe off that goddamn smirk! Don’t try to fight it, you’re only making it worse Now are you laughing for you, or are you laughing for me? or are you laughing for you, or are you laughing for me? Aw, leech!
15.
Tough 02:36
This morning I said you had good timing, cause last night I found myself finding myself feeling different than I felt I felt before I was glad you had me to that party, but my social skills are not so hardy and I could not wait to find myself the door Yeah you’re depressed, aren’t we all, but still I was surprised when I got your call I’m not tough, but still I manage to find a way to hide it all This morning I said you had good timing, cause last night I found myself finding myself feeling different than I felt I felt before I was so glad you had me to that party, but my social skills are not so hardy and I could not wait to find myself the door Yeah you’re depressed, aren’t we all, but still I was surprised when I got your call I’m not tough, but still I manage to find a way to hide it all Yeah, so what if I think spectators will scrutinize me? And so what if we can’t take intimacy seriously? I want to do away with things you people bring out in me I want to try not to live so apologetically Let’s make each other uncomfortable Let’s try not to impose Let’s ruin each other’s chances I think that’s the way this is supposed to go
16.
'S'kay 01:11
He was a smug little bastard from a broken home he would not hesitate to pick a bone all the kids at school thought he was such a nerd but he’s nothing but a series of rhyming words
17.
Well I sure do hate the feeling I’m not living life but I sure can’t say my lively moments are really rife I guess all I can say is that is part of why I’m doing what I’m doing right here right now I don’t have all that much to say but it’s not been all that hard to fake it After all of this I said, you must think I’m pretty lame but rest assured, I really mean it, I feel just the same I really ought to think about what we all mean when we say “cool” I shouldn’t lay myself so naked I should try a little harder to fake it I know it would be easier if I could just relax but I’m truly well convinced that I’m just facing facts yeah I feel that that’s the truth, as self-fulfilling as it may be I really wanna lose this ache but it’s really fucking hard to shake it Aw help me! So now I’m looking up, looking up Now I’m looking up, I’m looking up

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released May 12, 2008

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Dan FitzGerald Chicago, Illinois

broke a 10 year hiatus for Prepositions

posted all my old stuff

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